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Madison Howard
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Share Your Mood
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gravitating_gnomes
2021-02-23 11:05:23

I [18F] keep on ending up involved with guys with great personalities but to whom I have next to no physical attraction to. Can anyone else related? How can I stop?

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gravitating_gnomes
2021-02-23 09:58:16

I [18F] keep on ending up involved with guys with great personalisties but to whom I have next to no physical attraction to. Can anyone else related? How am I messing up

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gravitating_gnomes
2021-02-23 11:02:02

I [18F] keep on ending up involved with guys with great personalities but to whom I have next to no physical attraction to. Can anyone else related? How am I messing up?

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justmythoughts001
2021-01-17 17:02:38

i want a child so i can treat them well, just me?

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gravitating_gnomes
2021-02-10 23:00:21

A guy I [18F] like is taking longer to reply to my texts, but his replies are still engaging and full, looking for a perspective on what this could indicate?

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gravitating_gnomes
2021-01-06 13:15:51

How to do a Buddhist retreat free from entertainment

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gravitating_gnomes
2021-01-04 08:53:48

Advice on how to focus on meditation whilst going through emotional pain?

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gravitating_gnomes
2020-11-14 18:00:37

Whenever I meditate the only emotion I feel hard to accept is impatience - Any tips

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gravitating_gnomes
2020-11-11 08:57:55

Does anyone have any short Buddhist prayers / mantras to help guided my meditation practice?

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Aqurum
2020-08-06 18:23:36

This wasn't a road, or highway. All things I could think to explain this are not applicable. Haven't heard this outside since.

Recent Notifications

  • No that person's advice is pretty bad. You should never date someone with the hope that you can change them into what you want; what you see is what you should expect to get and anything else is a bonus. Though it seems you recognize that.

    1614081102

  • The complexity is I do have some level of attraction to him, I want to be near him, but the main draw is by far is personality and I'm insecure about loving people in the moment (that nagging feeling that there are better people out there), and as I'm going to uni soon anyway it wouldn't last long. Would any of these factors change your advice on the situation?

    1614082267

  • Hmm on that situation my tip. Disregard the need of him being your boyfriend to have quality time with him. Don't think about it and just enjoy the time you have you'll spend with him don't label it cause your friends or bf/gf lovers hence you spend time with the guy do it cause you want to make memories and spend time with him. Your bound to find a clearer idea of what you'll want after trying spending time with him more.

    1614085015

  • Thank you, I'm not sure why but what you just said has genuinely brought me a lot of clarity and reassurance so I'm feeling better now. Thank you :)

    1614087341

  • That just sounds like an insecurity you have rather than an inability to be attracted to someone. I would say that you just gotta try getting intimate with the best guy that you feel this way about. Make sure you explain (politely) This insecurity to him and explain that you might get uncomfortable and have to abruptly stop. If he doesn’t want to/can‘t cater to your insecurities, then you wouldn’t work out anyway.

    1614079494

  • Ok I'll think on that, I do really like this guy so it's more of a me problem I could work through

    1614080453

  • Just make sure you explain it to him because he might think it’s something he’s doing wrong, just be transparent with him.

    1614080666

  • thank you :) Yeh, I'll make it clear it's not personal to him and it's just how I am right now. Transparency is so important!

    1614080743

  • This is so sweet! If you still want children one day when your older, you'll be such a caring parent

    1614074852

  • He definitely can. Be chill, and be honest. Tell him how you feel. If you don't have a long developed friendship with him, and he is giving you long conversations he is either interested in you romantically, or you just have a lot of common interests and he wants to be friends. Tell him how you feel, get it out of your system, and then be happy with your new boyfriend (or friend with lots of shared interests!).

    1612999055

  • Ok, hope you don't mind a sneaky follow up question but how would it be to send him something like 'hey, i care for you but it stresses me a little u take so long to reply. As long as this isn't because you'd rather not talk to me, it's no problem, but I just like communication yknow'. No stress to answer tho, thanks!

    1612999175

  • Holy fuck. No. Stop. How would it be to send, 'Hey, I am having a lot of fun talking to you! I think you're great, and was wondering if you wanted to go get coffee/dinner/some-other-date-activity?'? The answer is 'that is literally the only option that is going to stop you from going nuts.' Tell hum how you feel before you explode from stress.

    1612999550

  • Mannn that sounds perfect only we're in full on lockdown here which isn't gonna end till the 8th of March, so we kinda have this added element of having to keep in touch online until then

    1612999623

  • It really depends on what you feel you can handle and what practice(s) you're doing. I think a good rule of thumb is to do 8 hours practice, keep meals simple, don't read anything or use any devices. No music. If you want to read Dharma at night that might be OK. But even Dharma books can become entertainment.

    1609942888

  • Yeh I think in the modern world and the fact I'm doing virtual learning makes technology the biggest challenge to overcome, especially as I'm only 18. I went through a healthy phase where I only checked my phone once a day for message, but lockdown has made it seem more important. I always turn off devices at night, but I have daydreams about doing what you've done and getting rid of it all together.

    1609948771

  • Maybe you don't need to get rid of it. I don't use a cellphone for several reasons. It doesn't require any self control on my part. It did take me a long time to give up music. Now I try to take an approach of welcoming any music I hear and never choosing to listen to it myself. But the devices themselves are not a problem. If you don't continually turn to your phone for entertainment then there's no need to get rid of it.

    1609955499

  • Music is not yet something I'm willing to give up, but whenever I listen to it it's one of the best tools I have for drawing me back to the present. I get all your opinions on phones, they make a lot of sense! It does seem almost shady and unsafe to leave the house without one, like something terrible will happen, but I know from experience it Will Not. I remember my dad having a very similar problem to you when he didn't have a cellphone, it's a pity it's seen as such a staple. I just hope people phone more and message less in the future!

    1610027581

  • Most Dharma Masters I've encountered recommend a bowing practice before sitting Ch'an.

    1609770990

  • thank you, I assume it's to help you get in the mindset for meditation?

    1609771754

  • That is one of many, many benefits, yes. Also, remember sitting is a posture. Meditation is not limited to postures. A revered Dharma Master and founder of the Tien Tai school bowed for 20 years before ever sitting in meditation. Its a misconception among westerners that "buddhism" is a lot of "sitting around". Its cultivating bright awareness in all postures, sitting, standing, walking, lying down.

    1609772907

  • That's a good idea! I knew you could vary the postures but I wasn't really doing so!

    1609938567

  • Wonderful that you are drawn to the Dhamma! Impatience is simply restlessness (uddhacca-kukkucca) and is one of the 5 hindrances.

    1605384073

  • Thank you, do you think doing some yoga beforehand could help then?

    1605437689

  • I’m happy my words were some help to you! Please don’t feel guilty; it is commendable to commit to goals but your goals must be reasonable (or else you set yourself up in a trap). It sounds like you have the right idea though. I wish you luck with your practice!

    1605390086

  • Thank you, good luck in yours too

    1605437516

  • gravitating_gnomes

    1605132183

  • Thanks for translating it for me, it's kind of you :)

    1605372431

  • Any verse you find inspiring from the Bodhicaryavatara

    1605092271

  • Thank you, that's great

    1605099938

  • That's so eerie the bird song is so out of place

    1596789553